Love vs. Right
We have all heard the expression, "Happy Wife, Happy Life;" informing men - and women - that if they make their wives happy, so shall their lives be (happy). Keep your wife content and life will be content (because she will not yell, nag or do whatever annoying thing it is she does that could make your life miserable). But is the expression true or a lark? Will some poor schmuck, dedicated to Happiness of The Wife, wake up one morning gasping, "That was complete shite!"
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What about being right? How could the suppression of one's correctness allow for one's happy life? What kind of relationship is it with one partner capitulating or acquiescing while the other gets his/her own way? Would such capitualtion not breed resentment - or contempt? Besides, what happened to integrity, honesty, being one's true self? Is placating your spouse not lying, cheating or being hypocritical?
Frankly, I find the phrase irritating - condescending even. Not for the expression, itself, but for the person who utters it incorrectly (which is more often than not); who mean: "Do whatever your wife wants or your life will be a living hell!" Making "Wife" the demanding, ball busting, bad, Bitch (not the good kind).
reciprocity
begins somewhere -
​with someone.
The idiom is actually quite teachable when possible positive meanings behind, "Happy Wife, Happy Life," are explored. For example, making Wife happy could mean providing Wife respect, honesty, communication, love - ya know, putting in the work necessary to creating the partnership marriage vows pledge. Maybe, as opposed to "giving The Wife whatever is wanted," doing things to make Wife happy ('cause you like seeing Wife happy) will actually make you feel good. Or, along similar lines, "Happy Wife, Happy Life" may mean, when you make your wife happy, your wife will feel inclined to make you happy - not obliged, mind you, but inclined. Like walking down the street: feeling good, you smile at strangers; feeling bad, you frown or look sad - either way you will affect their day.
A study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found, "A wife's
happiness in the marriage has the power to overtake a husband's marital
unhappiness to make his overall life quite pleasant." Huffington Post, 9/22/14.
Professor Carr, co-author of the study, stated. On the topic of strong relationships, Psychology Today blurbs, "certain traits have been shown to be especially important for healthy relationships. Both individuals should feel confident that their partner is willing to devote time and attention to the other, and that they are committed to accommodating the differences and challenges that inevitably emerge... partners also feel grateful for one another... afford their partner the benefit of the doubt, which creates a sense of being on the same team in life, a feeling that can help couples overcome many difficulties.
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Both mentions point to the contrary of "giving up" and/or "giving in" (to The Wife). They promote a
reciprocal relationship as the key to a happy life. And, yes, that reciprocity begins somewhere -
with someone.
Similarly, if "How to Achieve a Healthy Relationship" is researched, almost every example mentioned
will include the act of communication - if not directly then indirectly by way of sharing dreams,
memories, planning finances and (preferably)/ or discussing sex. There is a continued theme of intimacy
and sharing. This skill aids in the goal of, "being on the same team in life."
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What about being "right"?
Eckhart Tolle said "...For you to be right, of course, you need someone else to be wrong, as so, the ego loves to make wrong in order to be right.”
What pleasure exists in a relationship where one is regularly found "wrong?" Is love the act of inflicting feelings of "wrongness" upon one's partner? Is being right more important than the partner's well being? In other words, is your ego greater than your partner's feelings, your partner's trust in you, your partners "gratitude" for you? More importantly, is your ego more important than loving, trusting and just being grateful for your partner?
The fact is, relationships require work. For many, this work is hard: taking risks, stepping out of comfort zones, getting vulnerable, feeling trust, compromising, checking in, paying attention, knowing one's own baggage and placing it aside, hearing as well as listening all for the end goal of sharing your life with someone - happily. To many, those commitments are a price worth paying. But, for others, they are not (worth being vulnerable, considering someone else's feelings, or being flexible). Whatever person you are, KNOW IT, OWN IT then LIVE IT. But, for those who uttered the vows, don't kid yourself into thinking that, "making The Wife happy" is more sacrificial than it is self motivated. Embracing the opportunity to please your partner is really for your own sake.
Meet The Entrepreneurs We Admire.
3 determined women at different stages of their careers: Pat, Christina and Amina.
On the Cover!
The incomparable Pat McGrath.
" I am a makeup addict, beauty junkie." "The features of a girl inspires you."
Richard Burbridge, Jessica Stam, i-D magazine, Sept'04
Steven Klein photo, Rihanna, W Magazine Sept '16
Valentino's Couture Show Feathr lashes Jan.2019 -patmcgrathreal
@britishvogue with photography by the LEGENDARY #StevenMeisel featuring #MakeupbyPatMcGrath -patmcgrathreal.
Her's is a story of the impossible dream - the undreamable dream of a young girl, raised by a single mother who shared with her daughters an indelible love for fashion. Pat's life is evidence how parents mark their children's futures, without even realizing their impact. She proves, the simple, natural moments guide as effectively as direct teachings - like watching classical films and discussing the makeup styles stars wore or blending cocoa powder from the kitchen cabinet because no colour sold in the stores matched her own skin tone. These moments were practical fun moments for Pat's mother, but, for a young (impressionable) child watching on in admiration, it was inspiring.
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Oh the things this child, blooming into adulthood, skipping art classes to stalk London's bursting club scene, must have seen. On the cusp of, what is today, a legendary era, the thrilling boom of her heart must have echoed for miles. Decades later, this young, club kid, with her unique style, is the makeup artist owning the conglomerate, Pat McGrath Labs: “Where unadulterated experimentation meets raw glamour.” Stationed across the globe, Pat McGrath Labs skyrocketed to a billion dollar company two short years after it's open. Why? Because it is Pat McGrath, darling, "Mother" as called by many. She who is reputed to be one of the most influential voices in the fashion industry.
The fashion world is a fickle place, survived only by giants.
Pat McGrath not only survived, she has thrived!
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All that she is and all that she has accomplished:
​creating make-up concepts for Prada and Miu Miu, 90's;
developing a line of cosmetics for Giorgio Armani, '99;
being Global Cosmetics Creative Design Director for Procter & Gamble, 2004 (behind products like Max Factor, Dolce & Gabbana and CoverGirl0); collaborating on major fashion advertising campaigns such as Louis Vuitton and Prada; not to mention receiving a Member of the Order of the British Empire, for her services to the fashion and beauty industry at Buckingham Palace, 2014, as well as receiving the CFDA's (Council of Fashion Designers of America) Founder's Award in Honor of Eleanor Lambert, 2017 - thank you very much! As if all that (and so much more - we haven't even touched upon her runway shows or personal celebrity clients) is not enough, this business mogul takes the time to contact, encourage and promote up and coming talents she "runs across." Can you imagine Pat McGrath contacting you at five in the morning because she knows that's when you post on Instagram? Or being flown from Russia to New York Fashion Week - all because an icon sees your promise? Who does that?
Pat McGrath, baby!
Not bad for a self taught kid from Northhampton.
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Check out her instagram @patmcgrathreal
pure vibes
by Christina
"using pure ingredients to achieve optimal health."
Christina Schifitto was forced to re-evaluate how she was living, after experiencing a complete burnout in 2014 where she was unable to work, play or live a full life. Her re-evaluation showed how physical environments, and her perceptions of them, impacted her mind and her body. A positive experience in disguise, Christina's health crisis lead to a paradigm shift: she needed to rid her world of toxins in every way, possible. As someone who found positive results experimenting with essential oils over the years, Christina focused on adopting healthier lifestyle choices. She changed her eating style by carefully selecting real, nutritious, foods; she transitioned from chemical products to a more natural product approach, and closely pays attention to what her body is telling her. The resulting changes were so exciting, Christina wanted to share her findings, and feeling of well being, with others. She also wanted to learn more about essential oils so she could present their benefits to others. These desires encouraged her to become a Certified Raindrop Technique Practitioner.
Armed with the focus of helping people invest in their health, Christina began to see clients offering two body work techniques that include the use of essential oils. The Raindrop Technique is where the practitioner places drops of the oil(s), specific to the clients needs, along their spine then massages the drops into the spine. The purpose of this practice is to nourish the mind and body by promoting emotional support, stress relief, relaxation, mental clarity and spinal health. In addition to the Raindrop therapy, Christina offers a "vita flex" technique - this technique is an easy way to apply essential oil to the bottoms of clients' feet. This treatment means “vitality through the reflexes,” and is based on a network of reflex points that stimulate the internal body systems. When the fingertips connect to specific reflex points with essential oils, an electrical charge is released, relieving pain as well as improving physical and emotional well-being throughout the body.
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Christina believes in taking a holistic approach when supporting her clients. Almost two years into her practice, her enthusiasm to share her discoveries, as well as her experiments with oils and natural products, resulted in her creating educational seminars. These seminars are a How To on blending products and learning their benefits. Christina's goal is to help clients make sustainable changes in their lives which will lead to long term benefits. Experiences with Christina also include hydration regulation with the optimal, Enagic Kangen Water system - because, Christina will tell you, drinking body cleansing water with higher absorption levels is the key to the body receiving greater benefits from healthy choices.
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Christina is currently working on completing a Botanical Blends Certification to present pure medicinal and cosmetic formulations for clients' optimal health.
If you want to learn more about living a fuller life, visit Christina's website: purevibesbychristina.com or her youtube channel/ facebook page by the same name. Better yet, give her a call. She will be glad to hear from you!
Amina
Born to a nomadic tribe in the Ogaden region of Eastern Ethiopia, Amina will describe her personal history as "complicated." Shrouded in the veil of secrets, including that of a dead mother, estranged father, and mystery surrounding an aunt, Amina can clearly share how, at the age of four, she was "given" to a woman "in the city (of Kenya)" who was a local baker of cornbread. Amina's preacher father obviously thought this part Arab, part Ethiopian woman was the best person to raise "his" daughter, but that decision would cast a stormy cloud above the head of our young child for decades.
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Every story has a reason. So, in spite of the physical, mental and emotional abuse Amina experienced at the hands of her caregiver, she returned to her "home," years later, with words, and a heart full, of forgiveness. Amina will tell you, "There is no point hanging on to the hurt (of one's childhood)... she was cruel, but that kind of feeling (the pain of being abused) can drive somebody crazy. Besides, she sent me to school, and that was how I managed to escape."
The escape to which Amina refers, occurred years after she first envisioned it. But because she was a smart child who excelled in her education, she was granted a high school scholarship to a Saudia Arabian boarding school. This boarding school was a whole plane ride away from family secrets, confusion, tribal expectations and customs. It was at this boarding school Amina got her first taste of true freedom. She met a best friend, and the two young women managed stealthy vacations to Canada, visiting the best friend's brother. These vacations introduced Amina to a world different from her own. In this world, religion was flexible as opposed to the rigid tradition she resisted. Amina knew, Canada was the future for which she had always been waiting. One school break, after being dropped at the airport, Amina changed the ticket that was purchased for home (in Kenya,) to destination Canada. Once she was gone, her family realized, she wasn't just acting out, she was charting her own path for a different way of life. Ten years after "fleeing to freedom," and receiving refugee status, Amina became a Canadian citizen.
When asked how she dared such a bold move, Amina confessed, "Something moves me (through life); takes me from one place to the next like an invisible guide... I knew there was a bigger picture to my future than staying with my family. I knew there was much to explore and learn." Though Amina describes her childhood as "basically that of a slave:" husking corn to make the flour to make the cornbread she helped sell, she credits her appreciation of whole foods and creating natural, healthy, meals to that past. The hard work expected of her, even at the age of four, instilled a work ethic rivaled by few others.
Amina's isolation from her family, opened her up to the needs of others, striving
to help them feel connected. Amina has combined a training in human anatomy
(through massage) as well as personal care, hygiene assistance,
restorative activities and meal preparations (via PSW training) into an art
of creating healthy lifestyles for clients. Part of that lifestyle includes
juicing fruits and vegetables, daily. Amina has planted gardens
across the city to harvest organically grown vegetables for her juicing
routine and nutritional meal preparations. This practice is paramount
in her holistic approach. This approach is proving successful in the
case of a dementia client who has been described as having
increased mobility as well as more moments of clarity.
Amina attributes these changes to the juice regime she assigned
her client, as well as her daily commitment to the client's optimum
hygiene care, and exercise.
After several hands on treatments, which are a cross between Reiki and massage,
I call her, Healer. But, when you call Amina a healer, she shrugs. She will tell you her desire
is simply, to help people. " (Showing) Love and kindness is the way to be in life. Coming from where
I came from, I was the poorest. Others supported and helped me. I would not be here
without the help of others." So, she passes it on. A woman who speaks like a sage, Amina believes in action. Her next vision is to revolutionize healthcare systems: to have a place ensconced in nature: among the trees, by the water or both; where gardens grow, tended to by residents; labour is shared; and seniors live purposeful lives - including those with limited mobility or living in their own private worlds. This place will be committed to a holistic approach, and medical staff will have time to do what they signed up to do - care for people. She has an anti-garbage, reuse and recycle determination, so residents will be expected to live a life of less (stuff). Amina's sanctuary will be about connecting with nature, being kind to the earth, and being kind to each other... one would think this ideal impossible... were it not for an example like Denmark, where there are more communities such as Amina's (vision), per capita, than anywhere else in the world. If Denmark topped the list as the happiest people in the world (2017), maybe Amina's sanctuary residents will be, too.
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If you have a senior who needs support or need to re-group, yourself, check her out:
https://www.facebook.com/amina.ibrahim.5030 or
https://www.instagram.com/amina.healing.arts/
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Tell her Soph sent you.
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THings to DO this Summer!
If you are bored this summer it is only because you haven't looked. A broad selection of festivals and events are taking place where you are.
Kicking off Toronto's summer is Pride Month (June) which concludes with a Parade on the last day. Music and Film Festivals are scattered across the city, and for those who like things quieter, many restaurants feature discounted prices on specialized dishes for Summerlicious. The film Festival named after the city brings the season to an epic end in September.
If you are on the Canadian West coast, Vancouver offers a buffet of interesting options including: the African Descent Festival, July 21 and 22nd, as well as the 42nd Annual Vancouver Folk Music Festival, July 19 to the 21st. Something for everyone is Vancouver's claim. Concluding with The Last Days of Summer - A Concert for Violin and Piano, August 19.
Not to be out done, England might offer the most of festivals, including much for the art lover with exhibitions for all tastes. As the oldest city mentioned, England also has fabulous sites recognized from history lessons and "classic" tales. With that said, our faves idea of entertainment is the Changing of the Guards - a 45 minute ritual taking place daily (unless a big celebration is competing), as well as, the unique, Movies on the River, running from June 3 to August 3.
Can't help feeling super pumped for New York's slamming fun filled summer. But, if only two picks had to be made from the entire line up, they would be a fashion event promising an explosive experience, and Harlem Week (after experiencing the month long celebration of the community’s rich economic, political and cultural history via its series of cultural events).
Raptors take Home Historic Championship June13/19
YOU
